“it’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

I'm not sure if it's the weather or just everything going on with my family, but lately I've just been staying home a lot. All I want to do lately is just lay in my bed with all of my patterned pillows, blankets, my cats, a book or my laptop and a glass of wine. I dim the lights and put the purple Christmas lights that hang around my mirror on and I am so relaxed. So calm and content.

I want to go to the beach soon with someone I love and sit on a blanket in sweatshirts and watch the waves. It's the perfect time. Anything and everything is okay in autumn. This will happen soon.

weekend plans

change

Have you ever had one of those nights where you feel like you wake up every five minutes and just keep tossing and turning in your bed all night long? I get it way too much and last night was terrible. I felt so sick and just couldn't sleep at all. I don't like taking NyQuil because it gives me bad dreams but I took it anyway and I still couldn't fall asleep. I woke up this morning still feeling sick and tired.
I want to make some changes with myself and really actually do it this time and not just say it. I don't want to let myself or anyone I love down anymore. I want to change the way I eat and maybe go back to being vegetarian but do it the right way so I'm not always sick. I want to get more sleep so I can sleep at night and not all day. I want to stop drinking alcohol. I want to start reading more again. Do well in school. Be on time for work and class. Make tea instead of buying coffee. Clean my car and room. Save my money. DANCE. I honestly feel that if I make these sort of changes I will feel better mentally and physically about myself and everything in my life in general.
My Nonnie is sick in the hospital and it honestly isn't looking good. She never smoked a cigarette or did a bad thing in her life. She is so beautiful inside and out. She's 85, raised 10 lovely children and 35 foster kids. She is my idol and I want to be just like her.
Wish me luck. I sure as hell need it.

I wish I had a giant book shelf and an endless amount of books I have never read. I wish I had an endless amount of wine, both red and white, for my moods. clothes, all colors, for all my different moods. A furry white carpet on a hardwood floor. lights that dim, for my moods....

DO: embrace change.

It always seems that the days I can sleep in I wake up early and am hardly tired at all, like today. But when I have to wake up for something important I hit the snooze button about 3 times. Life... My favorite place in my house is my living room where I am right now. The cool green colors in here are so relaxing, I can hear my bird Sunny chirping from my sisters room, and the sun is shining through the front windows so beautifully. My sister and kitten are snuggling next to me and I'm drinking homemade iced tea. I have a feeling to will be a good today.

I'm thinking of going for a bike ride today or maybe for a run or maybe the usual...beach. Yesterday was such a fun beach day. I was with all the people I loved. However, I had too much to drink which is something I am looking forward to working on and Tom is going to help me. I need to start working on that asap...

I am kinda of sad summer 2011 is coming to an end but I also am excited for the fall. Autumn is my favorite season. On Friday I am having an end of the summer luau party. I can't wait to decorate my backyard with Hawaiian decorations and wear a grass skirt and coconut bra.

Tonight Becca, Janet and I are going to see Lykke Li in Central Park. I'm so excited even though I only know a few songs by them, that I love, I've seen videos of them and they seem to put on a great performance. I love the way she dances and sings and the fact that it's in central park makes it so much better.